The Juice That Ruined My Gin: by VICTOR DANIEL

I used to smoke Marijuana, do drugs and alcohol. They didn’t get rid of my problems, but they alleviated my worries and sublimated the pains. I liked to stay alone just listening to music. Because they talked to me. I didn’t like religion, I was never a believer. Not that I worshipped the devil, I just didn’t see the point. I was never perfect, I was nothing close, I had no reason to be. I had lots of problems but I was contented. It wasn’t rosy but I wasn’t broken. I just let life push me to whatever direction it willed.

But then you came along- like a calm. You calmed a storm I didn’t even realize existed. You came like a light that killed the darkness. For once, I felt happy. It was you who gave me a reason to wake up everyday. You were my body my spirit and my soul. To me, you replaced “life”. I became everything you wanted me to be. For you, I stopped smoking because you outrightly hated it. For you, I started feeling comfortable with mixing with people because you insisted I was too uptight. I wanted to be the one good enough for you. For you, I quit drinking, because it went against your moral standards. You told me about Jesus, and how our meeting was some “divine arrangement”. For you, I believed he was real, because I was grateful to him for gifting you to me. For a moment I had you, I had it all…. You gave me love, and you gave me life.

I met your friends, didn’t like me. They liked James, the guy you introduced to me as your friend. He was handsome and clean, brilliant and successful…Highly religious and rich too. He neither smoked nor drank cos he had no reason to. He was fun and he bought gifts for you and your friends. He bought you a gold watch on your birthday but I could only afford a bracelet. I would give you the world if I had it. But all I had was dreams, and a strong desire to be the best for you. You reassured me how much you’d never leave me. I couldn’t do much, but I did all I could. I was willing to cut myself, yes, bleed for you just to keep you. But again, there wasn’t much I could do. I became insecure, but you told me not to worry. You told me he was just being nice and that he was harmless.

Time went by, and you became kind of distant. I talked about it and you dismissed my insinuations as feminine and dramatic. After sometime you started with the attitude. I tried to man-up and not talk about it but then it got the my neck, and I called you up and blurted out. You told me how we needed to take a break for sometime because you needed time and space. I was worried, sad and restless. You told me it wasn’t me, that I had done nothing wrong. You told me it was you, that you needed to sort out some personal issues. You told me not to bother cos you still got me.

Weeks went by, you didn’t call or pick up my calls. I got frustrated, you said I shouldn’t visit but I couldn’t wait any longer. Yesterday was our anniversary, So I walked to your place last night with flowers. Just under that tree in front of your house, I saw you kissing the very guy you told me not to worry about.
Now I’m down, shattered and broken to bits. Nothing left but agonizing memories of you. Back to the comfort of my old companions, whom I left like the prodigal son you told me about. My Marijuana wrapped up with a leaf cut out of the bible you gave me. A spirit on the table and loud music blowing my head off. This ritual I’ll solemnly repeat till I obliterate the faintest memory of you.


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